Daddy says... & I think.

"Think" My father says... Well dad, I'm tired of thinking... 'cause you don't think either! 

I mean, daddy please! I'm not moving to a dorm, nor visiting pubs & getting drunk, I'm not having sex with a stranger, I'm not returning home after 7:00 pm, I'm not making on drugs, I'm not a smoker as you were, I'm not making strange stuff [That normal teens are doing right now...] I mean daddy, you don't have a normal child, 'cause I don't have those standard desires that teens have now... I'm not a member of the 'Light culture' still I'm not 'Old Fashioned' as you! Can you please try to understand that once in your life? 

You was not perfect at all while you were studying, & you start pushing me as if you were... I'm not complaining about you, I'm complaining about the way you treat me... So think twice: "Would you hold it if you were studying the same career?" I don't think so dad... Maybe you now will say yes, but it's different imagining than LIVING it.

Dad... you just can't treat me nice when you need me as an Oracle, you can't just pretend you're mad whenever I say something you Don't like either... You taught me that I always had to say the truth, & that's what I am doing... Whether you like it or not, I have to, if I want something better for us. 

You can try to change... I know you don't want to... Once you said that I had to change, that I had to move from my 'comfort zone' well dad, I did. I found something harder, 'cause I have to sacrifice things to move, & you hate that. You hate the one I've become. Well daddy... I've changed the way I had to change. I know you hate me now... & that really breaks my heart. 'cause I've done my best to follow what the Mother has for me. 'cause She called me, She made me wake up... & fight. 

Dad, I wasn't independent, I was just depressed. Can't you see that? You blame me for that. That I ask for help, & know you don't like him... But daddy, get used to it: I LOVE him. :) He just makes me smile while you keep hurting me, he lends me his hand while you push me even deeper than the ground. He makes me go on while you just stop my efforts... Dad... Have you thought about the damage you're inflicting? 

Dad, I KNOW, you're just looking for the best... Have you ever thought that I'm not the best one?  Dad I mean it. I'm not perfect... Like you. I want to live daddy, I don't want to die! Isn't that good enough for you to smile? You should try to believe a little bit more on me...

Finally... Dad, you have to understand that I can't just stay on a shelf & never ever see the sun shining... I can be a little bit lost here... Maybe I don't know much about myself... But believe me, I've been talking to myself, & I don't want to get used to the things I refuse to, I don't want to get used to the things I don't like, I don't want to get used to be on that shelf you want me in! Let me tell you that, I don't want to get used to feel that reject from you. & that's why I go out, trying to find what I can't find here, staying in this shell for long time... I'm tired to be inside this shell that's making me choke, that's killing me! & I found love... Love that makes me go on, Love that makes me feel stronger, Love that makes me feel secure... with this, I just wanted to tell you that, money feeds the body & the pride... Love is what feeds the purest things inside our souls. 

One day I'll leave... That day, I'll let you know how thankful I am for rising me this way... You taught me how to be strong against people like you. 

Oh! & yes daddy, the only thing I'll think about is that if it feels good, then it might be good & WORTH living. :) 

'cause as DZ thinks: "If you DARE to live, you can receive death with a wide smile."

Pd: Dad, I can't say this to you 'cause I'm afraid you kick me out of the house. .__.

btw, Thank you OCEANLAB! you just reminded me that I CAN!